Rough Night?
by spiffytgm
Summary: There should be a limit to how far Stephanie should have to go to get some cake. Written in answer to 7 FB challenges. Always a Babe.
1. Chapter 1

**I think I can honestly say that I never laughed so hard while trying to write "classy" smut. I was away last week, and when I came back, I found 7 challenges on the FB boards I follow. I got three of them here, The Olympic Smut Off from Erica, the Denial Challenge by MomofPhoenix, and the Choo Choo Challenge by Margaret and Melanie. There will be two more chapters to follow, So I promise I'll get yours in here too, Shelley! (I also have the 400 challenge and the bridge challenge lined up for this story, the Mazur family dinner will be a different one.) Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. All challenge prompts are in bold.**

 **There's a Big Old Smut Warning for this chapter. If that's not your thing, you can skip the last three paragraphs.**

 **BTW, all the characters (so far) belong to JE. The mistakes, as usual, are mine.**

You would think I'd know better by now. I should have realized when I pulled up to the house and my first instinct was to keep driving, that this was a bad idea. I should have just stayed where I was, but tonight was a command appearance. My mother commanded and I appeared. Besides, my mother and grandma were standing at the door watching me. There was nowhere to run.

My name is Stephanie Plum. I'm old enough that the threat of no longer getting pineapple upside down cake shouldn't strike terror in my heart, but it does. I have been the thorn in my mother's side since I jumped off the roof trying to fly, but as long as there's pineapple upside down cake, I know that she still loves me.

I got out of my car and walked towards my childhood home. My mother held open the door, and Grandma Mazur kissed my cheek as I walked in. I yelled a greeting to my father, who was in his chair glued to the TV. My next hint that something was wrong was the fact that there were five place settings at the table. I was tempted to keep going straight to the kitchen, take the cake, and run, but my mother had anticipated that. She stood by the stove with her arms crossed. "I'm not telling you where I hid the cake until after dinner." Damn.

I helped my mother move the meal to the table. Just as she yelled for dad to come to the table, the front door opened. I could feel my stomach drop. When Morelli sauntered around the corner, I threw up a little in my mouth. As he kissed my mother's cheek, I looked towards the door with longing. I could already tell this was going to be bad. Finally, we started loading our plates. I could get through this, I just had to keep my mouth closed. Yeah, right.

Once we began to eat, my mom tried her opening gambit. "Joseph, it's so good to see you again. What have you been doing?"

I gagged a little on my pot roast, but kept my mouth closed. Joe leaned back and smiled. "I've been looking for something very important, and I think I've found it. You know that Stephanie and I have been seeing each other on and off for years?" While that was true, we were off for good and I had pulled the switch out of the wall so that I was never tempted to flip it 'on' again. I shot him a look, but he continued, unperturbed. "Well, I've decided that it's time to take the next step." I chugged my wine so that I didn't have to say anything. **Denial. I own property there**. "Cupcake, I've loved you since you were six and I was eight playing choo-choo in my dad's garage. We belong together. Will you marry me?" He pulled a ring out of his pocket and knelt down next to me.

I spit my wine out with so much force that poor grandma was covered in a fine red spray. After I was finished sputtering, I glared at him. "Are you out of your frigging mind? No, I'm not going to marry you. I broke up with you when I found Joyce Barnhardt riding your **pecker** like American Pharoah." I could hear my mother's horrified gasp, but I was too worked up to notice the other people in the room. "You think that because you inspected my 'tunnel' when I was in kindergarten that I'm going to forget that?"

I slapped my hand over my mouth as silence fell upon the room. If I hadn't been so mad, I wouldn't have said that out loud. I never wanted my family to find out about that incident.

My father stood. He was turning purple and shaking with rage. He turned his head slowly to look at Morelli. "You VIOLATED my daughter when she was a baby?"

Morelli looked terrified. "Sir, it's not as bad as it sounds."

I was afraid that my father's head was going to explode. I hissed at Joe to shut up. My father stormed out of the dining room and into the living room. He came back in carrying my grandma's purse. Holy crap, everyone knows that grandma has a gun in there. Grandma jumped up and tried to grab the purse from him. While they played tug of war, I shoved Joe towards the door. "Get out now and don't come back, Joe. I'm never going to marry you, and the less my father sees of you, the better." Joe certainly didn't let the door hit him in the ass as he ran for his car.

It took a long time to reassure my dad that Joe was gone and never coming back, but eventually he let grandma have the purse and slumped back down in his chair. My mom wrapped up half the cake, and I left the house, exhausted.

I made my way back to my apartment, stuffed the cake in the fridge, and assumed my thinking position without even bothering to change out of my clothes. Tonight had been too much to handle, and I just wanted to forget the last three hours. I was still laying there when I heard my locks tumble. I don't know if I'm really ready to face Ranger after my latest disaster, but it's not like I have much choice in the matter. He leaned in my doorframe and said, "Babe?"

I closed my eyes and rubbed the tingles from the back of my neck. "It's been a bad night."

He pushed off of the doorframe and sauntered into the room. His utility belt thumped on my nightstand and he sat on my bed. "Have you ever had a good dinner at your parents?"

I curled up and rested my head on his leg. He stroked my hair as I spoke. "This was even worse than usual. Mom invited Morelli to dinner and he proposed right there at the table." Ranger's hand stilled on my head, so I hurried on. "I turned him down flat, then let it slip that I caught him porking Barnyard. Dad was trying to wrestle grandma's purse from her to get her gun while I was pushing him out of the house. The worst part is that I haven't even eaten any of my pineapple upside down cake."

He repositioned me on the bed and slid down until we were laying together with my head on his shoulder. He kissed my curls and said, "You never disappoint, Babe."

We laid like that for a while and I basked in Ranger's comforting heat and intoxicating scent. Slowly, his caresses began to heat up, and I could feel my **Love Box** getting **Moist**. I almost whimpered when he stopped and began to pull away, but instead, I pulled him closer and looked deeply into his obsidian eyes. "Babe, if we don't stop, I'm not going to be able to control myself." Instead of answering him, I captured his lower lip between my teeth. That was all the incentive he needed, and took my mouth in a bone melting kiss.

When he broke the kiss, he started to work his way lower, shedding my clothes as he went. I arched my back as he lavished attention on my breasts, pinching each taut nipple before sucking it into his mouth. He didn't continue his journey until I was ready to **sploosh** from the attention. He kissed his way down my body, each soft nip on the way wringing a gasp from me. My entire body was on fire from his attention.

He undid my jeans and placed a soft kiss on each of my hipbones as he slid my pants and panties down my thighs. The scrape of denim followed by his lips against my skin was almost unbearable, and he hasn't even touched the promised land yet. Once my pants hit the floor, he stood and removed his clothes as well. He worked his way back up my body, kissing and nipping as he went. Once he was back where I wanted him to be, he opened my folds, baring me before him. Before I started to squirm, he whispered, "So pretty," and began seeing to my needs. with the first caress of his tongue, I launched into my first orgasm of the night. Ranger is magic. After my second orgasm, Ranger began to work his way back up my body until the tip of his **Love Rocket** was nudging my opening. "Do you want this, Babe?"

Do I want this? Is he nuts? What I want to do is cover him with **Thousand Island Dressing** and lick it off him, but I'm pretty sure my refrigerator is empty, as usual. Fortunately, all I said was "Yes" as I lifted my hips up to meet him and he slid himself home.


	2. Bridge to Someday

**Okay, Here's Chapter two, and the answer to Margaret's Bridge challenge. I think the hardest part was finding a real bridge in Trenton that could serve as a romantic backdrop. If you google George Page Park, Trenton, NJ and click on the map, there is an image of the bridge. It probably looks better in the summer, though. I pinned the Tiffany ring and the dress to my page. If you're interested, it's /spiffytgm/plum-diamond/**

 **Since I don't like relying on Google translate, anything in italics was spoken in Spanish.**

 **Same disclaimer applies...**

RPOV

The night my babe turned down Morelli's proposal was somewhat of a turning point for me. Now that she is free from that distraction, we are spending more and more time together. In fact, she officially moved into my apartment on seven last month. We usually spent our nights here, so it didn't make sense for her to continue to pay rent for the apartment we all call 'Stalker Haven'.

So far we have both carefully avoided any talk about the future. I know that I told her that I have thought about marrying her, but she looked so panicked that I dialed it way back down to sharing a closet. My previous marriage was more about doing the right thing than love. The next time I marry, it will be with the right woman for the right reasons. Honestly, one Stephanie Plum is all I'll ever need.

This morning, I awoke to the feel of her exploring my body. On the rare mornings that I sleep in, this is my favorite way to start the day. By the time we are finished, we are both thoroughly satisfied. When I moved to get out of bed, she kissed my shoulder and said, "I love you, Carlos."

I rolled back to face her. I could see the truth of her statement in her beautiful sapphire eyes. "I love you too, Babe."

I stood in the shower and relived those three words. I've always known that she loves me, but she is usually even more skittish than I am about saying it. I debate with myself as to whether or not she is ready to take the next step. Would she say yes if I asked her to marry me? If she agrees, I would want to do it as soon as possible. I don't see a long, drawn out engagement in her future. Her mother would drive her crazy alternating between wedding plans and criticism.

We ate breakfast together, and I asked her if she had any plans for the day. She told me that she was going to stop by the bonds office to see if Connie had any files for either of us, but she was otherwise free. Afterwards, I kissed her and went downstairs to my office.

Tank came into my office a short while later. He looked from me to the open safe to the ring in my hands with one eyebrow raised. Wisely, all he said was, "Need any help?"

I closed the ring box and put it back in the iconic blue Tiffany box. "No. I think I finally have it figured out."

Tank turned around and walked out, but not before I heard him mutter, "It's about damn time."

I walked down to the fourth floor and knocked on Hector's door. He opened it and looked at the bag in my hand. " _Boss, I didn't think I was your type._ " Apparently Tank is more afraid of me than Hector is.

I gave him a flat stare and he let me into his apartment. " _How long will it take to set up?_ "

Hector loves Stephanie like a little sister. He is the only one of my men who I trust with the plan I had worked out. Hector walked to his bedroom and came out carrying a dress bag. Handing it to me he said, " _Two hours._ "

I nodded and told him, " _One o'clock. Stay on the Hetzel Field side._ "

I took the dress bag and made my way back to seven. Stephanie was long gone, no doubt on her way to Tasty Pastry before getting to the bonds office. I opened the bag and laid the dress carefully across the bed. I remembered the day I saw it. Ella had purchased it for a distraction, but as soon as I saw it, I knew that it was the dress she would wear when I married her.

Ella would describe it as a V neck, A line, tea length dress with a ruched waist and a silver and crystal belt. The bust is draped, and the skirt flows beautifully. The only thing that saves it from looking too much like a wedding dress are the delicate blue watercolor flowers that swirl along the hem of the skirt. Inside the dress bag are white sandals and a matching diamond and sapphire necklace and earrings.

Once the outfit was laid out, I placed a note on top. It simply said, "Babe, Meet me at the George Page Park bridge at 1:00. Love, Carlos." Once that was ready, I put on an Armani suit and left for my appointment.

At 12:30, I made my way to the bridge where we were going to meet. It is a sheltered haven over Assunpink creek. There is a canopy of trees and dense bushes that hides the bridge from the baseball field on one side and the playground on the other. The bridge itself is wood with black steel supports. As I walked up, I saw Hector talking to Father Mike and making some last minute adjustments to something attached to the bridge. I spoke to both men, we shook hands, and they left in the direction of the baseball field.

By 1:05, I was beginning to sweat. It was not unheard of for Stephanie to be late, but I was concerned that she figured out my plans and ran in the opposite direction. When she walked around the corner wearing that outfit, my world stood still. She was beautiful. When she smiled at me, every inch of me knew that this was right. She met me in the middle of the bridge, and I gave her a brief kiss hello.

When we pulled apart, she looked slightly dazed, but she got right to the point. "What are we doing here, Carlos?"

I gave her my 100 watt smile. "Babe, I've thought about this moment for a long time, but now that we're here, I'm not sure what to say. I love you, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with you." I got down on one knee and took the ring box from my pocket. I opened it so that she could see the two carat round diamond ring. There is a sapphire on either side of the diamond. They sparkle in the light just like her eyes. "Stephanie Michelle Plum, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

She dropped to her knees and reached out to touch the ring. Tears were welling in her eyes as she looked at me and said, "Yes." I placed the ring on her finger and helped her stand. Once we were both up, she threw her arms around my neck and kissed me like she meant it.

Once we pulled apart to breathe, she asked, "When do you want to get married?"

"Well, we're both here right now."

She gave me a look. "Carlos, we have to apply for a license and then wait 72 hours before we can get married. If you want to do it now, we'd have to drive to Connecticut."

I raised an eyebrow. "Babe."

She sighed and rested her head on my chest. "What was I thinking, you're Batman, of course you have it all planned."

I cleared my throat. She turned in time to see Hector and Father Mike come to the bridge from the other side. Hector gave her a hug and twirled her around. She was smiling and laughing as she showed him the ring. Once he set her down, she came back to my side. I whispered in her ear. "If you don't want to do this now, I would understand. I want to do this as soon as you're ready, though."

She beamed at me. "No. I'm ready to do this, too." Suddenly, her face fell. "Carlos, what are we going to tell my mother?"

I smiled. "Babe, Hector is recording this, probably from multiple angles on several cameras. While we're on our Honeymoon, he will send copies to whomever you want."

She ran her hand up my chest. "Honeymoon?"

"Yes, Babe. Unless you don't want to go to Maldives. It's only fair to warn you that you would be missing out on a private villa that is actually in the water, with an infinity pool and hammocks that stretch out over the ocean."

I think she might have had a small orgasm at the thought. Her eyes glazed over and a little drool started to form in the corner of her mouth. She snapped out of it and kissed me again. "I think I'm ready to be Mrs. Manoso."

The ceremony was short and sweet. Hector promised to send copies of the video as soon as he was done editing them. None of us noticed the slight rustle of the bushes near the ball field as I led her back through George Page park to my waiting Porsche so that we could begin our Someday.


	3. Hopelessly Devoted?

**Okay** **,** **this** **is** **the** **last** **chapter** **of** **recent** **challenges** **.** **Shelley** **requested** **the** **use** **of** **the** **song In My Bones,** **by** **Ron** **Pope** **.** **The** **lyrics** **are** **in** **bold** **.** **The** **400** **member** **Fanfiction** **Fanatics** **challenge** **is** **to** **insert** **a** **family** **member** **as** **an** **OC.** **In** **my** **story** **,** **Carma** **,** **I** **shamelessly** **exploited** **the** **better** **qualities** **of** **my** **sister** **,** **Gayle,** **then** **wound** **up** **throwing** **myself** **in** **there** **,** **too (sisterly support and all that)** **.** **It** **made** **sense** **that** **we** **would** **show** **up** **here** **as** **well** **.** **I** **went** **way** **over** **400** **words** **,** **but** **the** **lyrics** **shouldn't** **count** **.**

 **The** **same** **disclaimer** **as** **usual** **goes** **here** **.**

I was driving from park to park, looking for my dog who ran away again. When I saw that gangbanger talking to a priest, I hid. I was sure that if I waited long enough, he would do something illegal. That whole office is filled with criminals, and one of these days, I'm going to catch one of them. I was so intent on watching Hector, that I missed seeing Ranger on the bridge until he was no longer alone.

What in the fresh hell did I just witness? I keep blinking my eyes, but the images don't go away. A hundred times I wanted to jump up from my hiding spot and yell at them to stop, but I seemed to have been frozen in place. It was supposed to be me on that bridge with her. I always thought that i was going to be the one she eventually married, I guess I was wrong.

 **I thought I saw an angel, calling me across the yard,  
She said "Baby, it's been real, but now I'm gone."  
I should've known much better, you can't tame something that wild;  
When I asked her if she loved me, she just smiled.**

 **It's my fault, I don't care,  
I can't hate you if you're not here,  
Once you go, never, ever turn around.**

 **I have sacrificed, and then I burned,  
Oh, you gotta live before you learn.  
I wanted the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts.**

I've know her all my life, but I'm not sure I ever really bothered to meet the real Stephanie. In my heart, she was the perfect girl for me, but in my head I always knew we weren't going to make it. Still, this was not the way it was supposed to be.

 **My angel with her dirty wings, she used to make me smile,  
But she kept all of her secrets locked inside,  
In a place I could not reach her, though I tried with all my might,  
And when I begged for something real she said goodbye.**

 **It's my fault, I don't care,  
I can't hate you if you're not here,  
Once you go, never, ever turn around.**

 **I have sacrificed, and then I burned,  
Oh, you gotta live before you learn.  
I wanted the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts.**

I stayed as still as I could until it was over and they left. Batman and Wonder Woman off on the adventure of a lifetime. I hope for her sake that he can do what I couldn't. I hope he remains faithful to her. I hope he gives her his whole heart. I stood up and walked up to the spot where they cemented their bond. I thought about The way she was always there when I needed her. The way she would always be there to help a friend. I wonder if she'll still want to be my friend, if she'll remember the good times we had before it went wrong.

 **And I am sure I'll be just fine,  
If I remember she wasn't ever mine.  
And I am sure I'll be just fine,  
If I remember she wasn't ever mine.**

 **And the truth about the two of us, is we don't make no sense,  
When we made love, our love was just pretend.  
Now I'm trying to forget her, though I feel her in my bones,  
And I wonder if she thinks of me at all.**

 **It's my fault, I don't care,  
I can't hate you if you're not here,  
Once you go, never, ever turn around.**

I don't know how long I stood on the bridge, but the light was fading as I turned to leave. I had just taken my first step towards the future when another woman from my past appeared on the bridge. Sheila is the younger sister of my ex-fiancee Gayle. We did not have a particularly friendly parting of ways, and I wound up sleeping with Sheila. She didn't even seem to notice me as she stood on the bridge, staring out at the water. I walked over and stood next to her. Maybe she needs some company right now. "Hey."

She looked up, startled. "Hey."

I decided to use a little of the Morelli Charm. "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

She looked back at the water. "Trying to figure shit out."

I gave her a little nudge. "Maybe it would help if you told someone."

She snorted. "I don't think I need any more help, thank you."

Jesus. What is it with women? I was about to give up and leave when she spole again. "You're probably going to find out sooner or later anyway." Aah, the Burg Grapevine. Nothing that happens in the Chambersburg section of Trenton ever stays secret for long. She looks up at me, and I can see tears starting to form. This does not bode well for me. "Joe, I just found out that I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."

 **I have sacrificed, and then I burned,  
Oh, you gotta live before you learn.  
I wanted the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts.  
And I wanted the truth, but sometimes the truth hurts.**

 **A/N - I'm** **thinking** **about** **doing** **Sheila'** **s** **story** **.** **Let** **me** **know** **what** **you** **think** **.**


End file.
